|
Funeral Revelation
Sunday June 29, 2003
Posted by: ridgecliff (5:48:40 PM EDT)
so after the latest to-do in rochester, new york, i have decided that i like funerals. i do. i guess it's the humanity and the outpouring of sincerity and emotion. there was an open podium, and i felt like i was at kairos. the sad thing is you can say all the nice stuff while people are alive, too...but in our society that's look on as sappy or "gay" or you get the picture. What gives? Why can't men hug each other without hitting the backs? Or cry? Why do we have to hate on nontraditional relationships? Hell, screw tradition, you KNOW the Romans considered love btwn 2 men the highest form of love? S'a fact. We have wakes and all this...why not celebrate now, god, i'm just so carpe diem. My mom, no my maternal aunt, Maggie was talking about how in the jewish community when they die they have a shiva and there's sooooo much talking and reminiscing, and all this straitlaced bullshit from the catholic/presbyterian side of things is just darting away from the emotion. What is life without emotion?
Damn that was rhetorical
So anyway, over the course of the weekend I realized
-i like funerals
-im so not catholic
-and protestantism isn't suiting either
-small town america really DOES exist, it is scottsville NY
-the proliferation of chains is leading to the placelessness of our landscape....rochester IS one giant strip mall. that is the town. not just a part of the town, the town is a strip mall with horribly designed parking lots.
-i wish i could "speak" Sign Language. there was an interpreter or what have you at the funeral for my cousin michael and i was just watching her the whole time
it also reaffirmed my venemous attitude towards bottled OJ, that shit is rank
i think when i have a kid im going to write it a letter to open when i die, like in case of death suddenly or something where i just tell it all the stuff i wouldnt when it was young, or well....i dunno just like a heart to heart kind of thing, get to know you, g'bye kinda deal. story of birth included, i guess. you gotta do that, kids love that stuff.
anyway so NO im not fascinated with death, i just think i should write some little slipshod will to distribute my prized possessions such as the RTB. anybody wants any of my other stuff, clothes, posters, trappings of a materialist society, make your requests known or forever hold your peace. cuz you wont be holding anything of mine. Haha.
.
1994 a.d.
Thursday June 26, 2003
Posted by: ridgecliff (11:35:53 PM EDT)
When I was younger, I dunno, I guess I was a little off.
Either way, I had visions of people one day stumbling upon the archaeological ruins of my home and being confused as to when it dated. I decided to try to help the archaeologists out, so on the walls of my old bedroom, I took markers or pen or something, and here and there...quietly, ceremoniously, wrote "1994 A.D." so that they wouldn't confuse the brick two story from ancient, pre-jesus times. How thoughtful. Anyway, the 2 or so markings are still there and it's sort of embarassing. What do you say when you are showing the house to sell? "1994 a.d." yes, rather historic feel in this room...the floral border towards the top of the wall lends a victorian feel to the.....say what? Plus one is written in orange marker of all things, not exactly blending in with the pure white walls.
I keep a lot of lists. right now here's some lists I've got going, on the bedside stand, and I'll make this a list, so that you understand how listy I am:
1) list of films to watch
2) list of books to read, but there's only 2 on it right now because i couldn't think of any
3) a list of things to do on wednesday the 26th that i didnt get done, at least in entiretey
4) a list of longer term things to eventually get done in july or something
5) a list of words i dont know that i have stumbled upon. but no progress there, because on the list of things to do on june 26th there is "bring dictionary upstairs" but that didnt get done.
6) songs to download
7) maybe there's another one, who knows. this one. doesn't really count. either way, my mom accidentally head-butted my skull about 30 minutes ago (it was excruciating) and my head fucking kills from the fluoresence at work. got my paycheck and they FORGOT 20 hours of time...so there's something else to add on my list "get deserved coinage"
gotta go pass out and get up SO early to pack and fly to new york to put my burnt to ashes dad in the dirt. death is a bitch. speaking of which, great quote from the book i am reading. new motto.
"two tears in a bucket; motherfuck it." -the drag queen Chablis in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil
My icon, and the rob lowe poster I wont shut up about???PICTURE.
Thursday June 26, 2003
Posted by: Ridgecliff (12:33:50 AM EDT)
I will be the first to say, I hate my buddy icon. I do. And to think about it, I think I have hated practically every one I've ever had. I can't find any good one and it seems like there's an icon out there for all the subgroups but I. I mean, there's even ones that say "chase midgets" and "beat old people." But how come there's no icons for shit Jessica is about? I mean where's the The Cure icons? or RTB icons? Bruce Springsteen? Rob Lowe? anything? I just feel like everybody else found their icon or at least is satisfied with theirs, while I've got this wandering soul-less void where the icon should be. Hahaha. If you find one that works, let me know.
I'm so excited to share this: this is the rob lowe poster I have ordered on ebay that, I think UPS tried to deliver today, only my dog heard the doorbell and I was too engrossed in some magazine and the laziness of being a flight below the front door that I didnt answer...apparently my signature was needed and they'll try again tomorrow, explicitly during 2 and 5, the exact hours I most definitely will not be home. How convenient. And no I can't sign the paper and just leave it because I guess this is a high security dropping off of such a poster....I guess it's like the BRINKS guy guarding the treasure, cuz okay, check this shit out, and don't mock the clothing because it was 1984. And oh, you also have to mentally erase the one cross earring....i know, i know....shades of george michael. but just let it slide.
I dont understand how to put a link in the thing, so just paste this in the addy bar:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3332119591&category=18836&rd=1
Laugh now, but you're all going to be jealous when it's framed in my amazingly awesome apartment next year. Over the fireplace? Perhaps......ha, no, we're gonna toss some Ansel Adams up there. Over the bed? now that's more like it hahaha riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
either way, i have things to do tomorrow, and miles to go before i sleep. actually, im gonna go read more of Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, i'm only on page 60 though so no feedback just yet.
Empty
Jenna Dahman, someone???s cervix, chubby checker, billy joel
Tuesday June 24, 2003
Posted by: ridgecliff (1:21:01 AM EDT)
JenGirl10: the new tom green show kind of sucks
Jessica was like: yeah, well wasn't that expected though
JenGirl10: haha
JenGirl10: i mean... surprisingly enough, it's still not funny when he plays with roadkill
Jenna Dahman, everyone.
Jessica was like: hey
JenGirl10: sup
Jessica was like: if you take the h and a out of your name
Jessica was like: it spells damn
Jessica was like: ;-)
JenGirl10: hahahaha
Jessica was like: damn, HA.
JenGirl10: i'm a profanity
Jessica was like: ha+damn=dahman=dah man
JenGirl10: that's some fucking good math dude
Jessica was like: yeah, well i never was all about that math shit
JenGirl10: me either
Jessica was like: thus the whole 'journalism' thing
JenGirl10: right, makes sense
Jessica was like: what if i send it NOW
JenGirl10: i'm grossed out
JenGirl10: you can't, it'll be really mean
Jessica was like: yeah, it is
Jessica was like: wow
Jessica was like: ew
JenGirl10: ew, nightmares
Jessica was like: dude, if MY cervix came up in a conversation with someone from high school and it was sent to me, i would FREAK OUT
JenGirl10: me too
Jessica was like: quote to the fucking max
JenGirl10: i'd be like... what the FUCK
JenGirl10: definite quote haha
Jessica was like: man who talks about their acquaintance's cervix?
song i really am enjoying lately: Runaround Sue by Chubby Checker. Ok, bebop, whatever. Call me a bobby-socks wearing teenybopper, it's just so peppy. Did I just say peppy? Yeah, it's got a lotta pep. And the background umdidaydidaydidaydidipdip is just so fun. "SHE GOOOOOOOOOOES (beat)OUT WITH OTHA GUYS!" it's that (beat) that is so fucking contagious.
the new staind cd is good and i just LOVE the word "judaica", i think i'll change my name to Judaica.
another song for now is -i love you just the way you are- by billy joel. it could be redone, and i am not a fan of the ripple-esque synthesizer chords in the beginning, they leave me feeling nauseous, i think it should be redone by someone with throatier vocals, and less bossanova jazz in the background. it's a bit too polished top 40 for the over 30 set for my likings. how about a little drumming on a cymbal with a fan brush? how about billy joel unplugged, with a sore throat, with a garage alt-country band, without having warmed up his vocals, hungover?
billy joel is just too....maroon silk robe, slippers, mahogany for me. too polished.
good song- fleetwood mac, go your own way
i was just watching a music video of that song and noticing how hairy everyone was in the late 60s and 70s and then i started thinking about how, well now that the hairiness is no longer a fad, how much the mass of all that hair was and how much of a difference it made in the weight of the earth and then i was like dude, matter cannot be created nor destroyed. all that hair is still around, just in dust and landfills and coffins. (that last bit was morbid as sin, wasn't it?)
myself to brian over the phone his last night in america or something like that: "God, I'm such a pussy."
im going to go to bed. these contacts are starting to feel like moist cellophane, except the moist feeling isn't refreshing like water, its thick like mucus.
More later
"God, even the way his teeth fit together is sexy!" -me, to Fish, about this picture of Rob Lowe on Ebay. gotta run.
Vocab, turgid grape mix, puritan customer
Saturday June 21, 2003
Posted by: ridgecliff (11:55:33 PM EDT)
i love it when i use random vocab words from 8th grade out of nowhere, such as "exonerated."
it's so awesome when you experience something that is so phenomenal it totally blows the previous experiences with that thing out of the water.
for instance, i was having some seedless red grapes a few days ago... this was the best fucking bunch of graps ever, i dont know if it was genetically engineered, but damnnn. either way, the skin was taught and crisper than crisp, and usually that is all you get in the firmness department before you happen upon a mediocre interior of the grape. however, this particular bunch of grapes had not only the taught exterior, but the actual inner matrix of grapeness itself was soooo TURGID that it blew my mind.
today at work this scrawny pale single guy came to the register to buy a shirt, i go "hi, how are you doing today?"
he goes "Blessed." im like okay, i can flow with this, whatever, go about the transaction. then we have to do this marketing research survey where we ask the customers if they heard our radio ads. "Have you heard any of our radio ads, by chance?" i venture. he goes "Do you advertise on christian radio stations?" "nope" "well you should"... not so good, not so random, but it just left me feeling uneasy, how soulfully focused on religion he was, i dunno, its not a bad thing i guess, god as center of life, it was just all so puritanistic that i felt unsettled.
and a few weeks ago at kroger with Fish there were these amish people, these little girls in the bonnets and periwinkle shifts running aroud the store, and i kept thinking about how overwhelmed the kids must be, and then i was wondering why in the hell they were in kroger in suburban east side cincinnati. i just wanted to interview this 10 year old girl about being amish, so bad. i should have bought her some Dunkaroos, what kid doesn't love dunkaroos? amish or no, the freedom to ice your own cookie is thrilling nonetheless to anyone. Oy.
Foreskin and Arkansas
Thursday June 19, 2003
Posted by: ridgecliff (3:57:57 PM EDT)
Random truth: when newborn baby boys are circumcised, they take the leftover skin and put it in the lab in a petri dish, whereupon the baby stem cells keep on producing skin until they have a whole sheet of this baby penis skin, and then they use it to help out burn victims with skin grafts. Odd, but admit it, it's resourceful as all hell.
I was looking at a map the other day, and I noticed: there's Kansas, and then there's Arkansas. Which is just AR-kansas, yet it's pronounced "arkin saw." Why isn't it just AR-kansas, or why isn't kansas "kan saw" you know? I had never noticed that before.
time to go enjoy my last 36 minutes of freedom before i devote myself to the Company from 5-close tonite. i got complimented by the assistant manager the other day, apparently i am an "excellent" cashier. apparently college made me "responsible" or some other such shit... haha score.
diamond waves through sunglass days go by. so beautiful to be here and alive.
(except in cincinnati where it wont stop raining and everyone's fat and ignorant.)
Crowds, bruce, driving, SAS, latkes
Thursday June 19, 2003
Posted by: ridgecliff (12:57:43 AM EDT)
one of the worst things is when you're in a big crowd of people trying to get somewhere and everyone is walking like they have a load of shit in their pants. had this problem today on the way back to the car from my first baseball game ever. Cubs whooped our ass. C'est la vie. And when you're in a museum people are trying to act all deep and inspired, so they move ridiculously slow, one by one shifting weight from one foot to the other and gliding between, sortof a zigzagging broad-stanced walk that is ridiculously slow and frustrating to get around.
i'm on fire, bruce springsteen.
zoe jane, staind
nothing gives me pleasure, josh rouse
temptation, new order
born to run, bruce
move it on over-george thorogood ---->"ROCK IT ON OVA!"
Something I really enjoy, notice, and appreciate about Springsteen...especially after reading a book 'bout the fella "it ain't no sin to be glad you're alive: the promise of bruce springsteen" is the prevalence in the subject matter of driving on the highway, and how it is used as a conduit for expression of emotion. In so many of his songs he talks about driving around town, the highway being jammed with broken heros on a last chance power drive, she'll let you in her car to go drivin' round, etc. And I can connect with this because, well not OFTEN but a good deal of the time, when I'm feeling bored, or uncomfortable, or stifled, or stressed out here at home, I like to get in my car and just go for a lil drive (especially at dusk, the most magical, golden, and my favorite time of day) and...the thing is, while I'm driving, I'm not necessarily mulling over what is going on, rather I'm trying to escape from it and free my mind up. Its sort of transcendant of the reality of the situation that's binding you. This is partially why I am looking forward so much to driving to Boulder with Cat in August.
last night i was lying in bed and i realized that, had things gone according to plan and not veered awry with the padre, that last night would've been my first night on the boat with semester at sea, and i thought about what i'd be doing, how all my crap would not be unpacked, all the people i'd be meeting, trying to map my away around from room to room, what my roomies would be like, etc. I thought about the people I'd never meet and the places I'm not going to go. It made me really sad, even just lying in my bed and having it not rocking from the ocean. Not like I was looking forward to motion sickness, but hey, it beats ohio.
sean and i saw a bum outside the stadium holding a sign that says "why lie? i want beer" and sean gave him a dollar and said "throw one back for me" haha it was classic. he only had some quarters and change in there, first dollar he'd gotten. huge smile on his face.
really want some mixed drinks. on a boat. and not so much humidity. guh.
today on the way to the game we passed this girl i had to carpool with in 4th grade, the fucking ugliest girl ever, my mom and i used to call her "the troll" and one time we convinced her that we ate road kill just to freak her out.
she's still ugly as hell, years later. her mom and she had these 2 dogs, one was named "J.R." dunno about the other one...and their minivan was UPHOLSTERED in FUR, i mean fucking covered in like 1/2 inch thick nastiness. one time she brought in potato latkes to the 4th grade class cuz my suburb is all about judaica, and they had dog fur in them.
i think that says it all.
Bands
Tuesday June 17, 2003
Posted by: ridgecliff (10:01:21 PM EDT)
There are some bands I really would like to like, but I keep trying and it won't happen for me. In 1999 or 2000 I bought some Radiohead. I liked, maybe 2 songs. Gave them away to Jen Herman. I just can't do it. Same thing with Zwan. Only one song there. And Led Zeppelin, although I don't want to like them. And you just sorta feel left out in a strange way when everyone and the media is wigging out about an artist who you have honestly given multiple shots for success, but none of them hit the target.
Thinking of detailing the car tomorrow, if it would just stop raining for an hour or two.
time to go oggle at ace on the real world. he looks dead on bruce springsteen, 1985.
Anticipating America (corrrrrrrrnyyyy)
Monday June 16, 2003
Posted by: ridgecliff (11:39:38 PM EDT)
The 1,206.7 miles from my house (thanks mapquest!)to my apartment in Boulder are officially going to be hardcore amazing. I'm envisioning mixes, my black converse all-star high tops I haven't worn since that "anti authority" phase sophomore year resting on the dash, sunglasses, perfect weather (here's hoping) mixes that include Born to Run by Bruce, We Built This City on Rock and Roll by Jefferson Starship, Ventura HWY by America, Aint too Proud to Beg by whoever that is, Percy Sledge? cheap diners and greasy spoons, house special blue plates and state lines. Big blue sky and flat ribbon of highway, the blank canvas of Kansas, and Southern Illinois fucking sucks to drive through.
I want to come up with a mix of the Most Belt-able Songs Ever, it'll be a bit of a challenge.
Jon Stewart on the daily show....he's awesome
i think that everyone who shops at my place of employment has to have proof of lobotomy in order to pass the front doors...and must also have failed matching tests in kindergarten, because they put shit in the most random places and come up with the most half-assed folds....harrison ford has a single earring on the daily show...how bizarre...i'm all about ellipses...ha
why can't i get the sax solo from "born to run" out of my head? oh, that's right....it kicks ass.
i'm missing the other half of my cds that are in CO Springs. you can only take so much shit on a plane. i left the other 4 RTBs there too, partially cuz i had no room for anything else in my bags, and partically because i wanted them to be really surprising to read through again when i claim them again in august, then they'll be reallllllllly entertaining once again. sometimes space works!
also fascinating: christian slater in Heathers. too bad he wants to be jack nicholson so badly that it shines through in every slight mannerism. but that's not a problem from my point of view.
My Metaphor that Murt thought was from High Fidelity!!
Monday June 16, 2003
Posted by: ridgecliff (1:41:43 AM EDT)
I think you know you have lost someone special when the end of the relationship feels like your favorite band disbanding and--no more tours, no more "best ofs" no radio spots or columns in rolling stone, they're just gone to their gardens. And the memories are the old albums.
And you play them over and over and over and always wonder what could've come out of the arrangement. You can get so lost in the songs, in the emotion, the pain, the beauty, and the smallest chords of gestures and strummings of affection and all that...
...and some days it's all you'll listen to practically, and other times you go for a long time without, then you happen upon a song again that just falls into your consciousness, a spare memory that wakes you up inside and kills you at the same time.
And you can move on and put the records in the attic, put them in the darkest shadowy corner of your heart where they'll gather dust so thick that it smudges you up to even go there, stings your eyes and catches in your throat when you venture that way. You stumble upon something new that catches your eye or your ear or your heart.
In the end you just pick out the favorite bits and tunes and it becomes a track on the soundtrack of your life. It was the song of the moment...like a favorite hit from your childhood. At that one point, that song meant so much to you, and it's still got a nice spot in your heart, but it just doesn't get your feet tapping contagiously like it used to.
The band is not on tour, that live fervor is gone forever, it's boxed up in LPs.
June 15th
Sunday June 15, 2003
Posted by: ridgecliff (6:54:37 PM EDT)
I just wanted a little spot to put my random shit other than the RTB because those books are bigger than myself, and I don't wanna put all my shit in there and ruin the experience for everybody else. I always make little lists, I want a place to put lists in the back of my head, and random little revelations I get. For me.
Movies on my List
well, I watched Heathers last night with fish, so cross that one off. "DEAR DIARY!" aaahaha
philadelphia, with tom hanks
cocoon, because it looks awesome as hell and because they watch it in Say Anything.
st. elmo's fire
harry and maude
top gun because apparently i have to
footloose because, ditto
things i want to look into:
autism. volunteering for AA. underwater birth (how fascinating), AMISH, the 20th century, modern evolution of rock and roll, the mediterranean. how to successfully broil pineapple chunks. if i can replace the lens of my car's CD player. or well, not me, but the Honda guy.
songs for lately:
coldplay, warning sign
the samples- feel us shaking
whiskeytown- yesterdays news, turn around
bruce springsteen- i'm on fire
elton john- your song
temptation by New Order....hm
and that counting crows cover of joni mitchells song where its They paved paradise and put up a parking lot because it wont leave me alone its following me around town.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i gotta chronologically arrange all these, this shitload of photographs we stumbled upon.
you should always go through your photos frequently, before you die, especially in a group with the ppl in them, bc you can't do that when you're dead.
and growing up is just becoming your own parent. drying your eyes, laundry and food, comforting yourself, being proud of your own accomplishments, putting your accomplishments on the refrigerator in your mind. i dunno, but then its kinda like you're chaueferring yourself around town and i have to think about that concept for a while more before i got a comment going.
posters cost way too fucking much.
contradicting ideology
School of Thought #1: you could die at any moment at all, so make sure the ppl around you know you love them, you never know when you're making a memory or saying bye for the last time blah blah
School 2: saying it too much makes it meaningless
------------well obviously the answer is to balance them out but uhhh to what extent? and how? and when and why and with whoM.
actors i've wanted at some point in my youth:
macaulay culkin, 3rd grade
sebastian from the never ending story part 2, gradeschool
river phoenix
john cusack
christian slater in Heathers
ryan philippe in cruel intentions, duh.
i can't think of any more right now, im blanking
awesome= backwards red hats haha
HOWWW WONDERFUL LIFE IS---> WHILE YOURE IN THE WORLD
www.geocities.com/randomthoughtsbook/RTB
warning sign by coldplay rocks. "and the truth is....i miss youuuuu..."
St. Elmo???s Fire
Sunday June 15, 2003
Posted by: ridgecliff (11:51:56 PM EDT)
Alright movie, not totally my favorite, but it definitely wins a place on the list judging by the fineness ratio of 19 year old Rob Lowe. Hot damn. So now I have to find a poster from the mid 1980s of Rob Lowe....looks like ebay it is.
At Fish's last night I decided to buy two fish, even though I know I'll probably take shit care of them and that they'll probably die even before I have a chance to fall into bad caretaking habits, because goldfish are so unhardy like that. Everyone won one at the carnival and you get it home, put it in the bowl, next day it's doing the backstroke.
Gonna name them Dotty and Joann, just like the 2 fish got and I immediately said to name them that out of nowhere, no clue from whence that shit came. Then my mom tells me that the old lady who lived next door like 10 years ago had 2 daughters who are now like 65 named Dotty....and Joann. Gotta love the unconscious memory.
tomorrow at noon, root beer stand reunion :)
"i'm a loner, dotty.....a rebel" -joann (or pee wee herman)
i hate it when.... well i guess i kinda love it at the same time, but you get really into a song, and you're belting the lyrics left and right and writing them absentmindedly on the spine of your notebook during lectures and they're so powerful given the musical context. but then you share them with someone else who is not familiar with the song, or just plain write them down trying to convey that same emotion, and it's not there because from an objective point of view they're really not very snazzy or profound, but once you add that melodic backdrop, it's a whole new ballgame.
In those instances I find it's just the best to close your eyes as tight as you can and lip synch into whatever is handy, like a pen. or your thumb, that has been resorted to frequently as well. And you just gotta convey that emotion somehow.
rob lowe is just so "i wear my sunglasses at night" or at least he was in 1984.
bigvocs14: too fast too furious blows asshole
Jessica was like: i'm sure it does
bigvocs14: i totally didn wanna see that
bigvocs14: the acting was terrible
Jessica was like: duh, you think ludacris can crossover into film?
But so in St Elmos Fire there's this part where hot as sin Rob Lowe talks to freaking out Demi Moore about being in the early 20s and how so much of the drama is self-made. So much of the anxiety, all the pressure from nonexistant/distant sources. reminds me of last night at skyline, with fish all the HS kids were wigging out about dramas that were nothing at all. HS was such a waste.
NikkGlsr: haha, this is funny, it's like the rtb but live and uncensored
|
Search This Site
Syndicate this blog site
Powered by BlogEasy
Free Blog Hosting
|